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(They teach the children “how to fish”.) But most financial assistance simply creates a cycle of dependence: The authors note that some forms of economic outpatient care, including subsidizing an education and funding business ventures, have a strong positive influence on the recipients.
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Their research indicates that “the more dollars adult children receive, the fewer they accumulate, while those who are given fewer dollars accumulate more”. In The Millionaire Next Door, authors Thomas Stanley and William Danko devote two entire chapters - 69 pages! - to “economic outpatient care”, the substantial financial gifts some parents give their adult children (and grandchildren). (I have no children, so that disqualifies my advice in the eyes of some folks…as if it's impossible to recognize that a person has a broken bone if you've never had one yourself!)īut it's not just my opinion. Some people don't want to hear this, especially coming from me. A decade of reading about money and hundreds of conversations with parents have brought me to this conclusion: Giving adult children financial support is, generally speaking, a bad idea. My standard advice is: Don't help your kids financially. Why You Shouldn't Give Money to Adult Children I find this situation fascinating because there's a disconnect between my general advice about giving money to adult children and my specific advice for Karen. (I really prefer dogs!) When does helping a family member financially become enabling? Or is it always enabling? What do you do when faced with a kid going to prison for lack of funds to pay fines? What about a different kid who is at risk of becoming homeless? This is tough to watch. I don't want to see them on the street but they keep making dumb mistakes. I keep getting sucked into helping two of our children who can't seem to get it together. Karen writes because she's having trouble with two of her kids: I get to write about situations that otherwise would never occur to me! Some kids are certainly more bully-proof than others - But if your kid isn't one of them, I'd check to see 'what's done' in your neck of the woods.This week's reader question is an example of why I love the “ask the readers” feature here at Get Rich Slowly. (Kids can be *so* cruel, and 'gay' seems to be the insult of choice for that age group.) I'm a bit concerned though that bikini briefs may well *not* be the norm, and might, in fact, be different enough to stigmatize your son and be the kind of thing that gets him labelled 'gay' and gets bullying started. And if bikini briefs are what your area's norm is, then that's probably the sum total of the motivation and thought process. (DS had spent the night there recently, so I guess she saw his colored briefs?) So I bought some boxers for DS (who said he hated them!) but then started wearing them anyway once he realized that's what 'normal' was.Īnyway - My point is only that at that age, the subject is likely to be sensitive, and wearing the same type of underwear the other boys in his environment are wearing might be important to him. Some years ago, the mother of one of my older son's friends pulled me aside right before the boys went into middle school and said I might want to buy older DS some boxer shorts because that's what all the middle school boys wore, and when they changed for gym class, he would not want to stand out as having the 'wrong' underwear.